A Guest Post By Alison

How I finally started to carve out time for self care

I have to say, about a year and a half ago, self-care sounded like some far away, unobtainable concept that would be just another responsibility on my list of “to dos.” As the wife a college coach and the mother of three growing boys, my life, like that of many other moms, is the delicate juggling act of wife, mother, employee and CEO of chaos. To add to my already full plate, we all live with my 80-something father-in-law who suffered a stroke a few years ago and requires care.

I can best describe my life as the image of a plate spinner in the circus. I know you can picture that! Holding the sticks with the delicate china balanced, all while turning my head left and right checking to see what new plate would be added. Self-care was just another plate to me, another THING I’d have to balance. Why bother? I often thought. That’s for other people. (Yes, I got judgy!! LOL) And, I’d managed my life pretty well for almost 50 years, I thought. I don’t need it.
 
About a year and half ago, my youngest son got seriously ill. Our lives turned into turmoil with a lot of unknown, a lot of hospitalizations and finally a diagnosis of kidney disease. Another plate to balance, but this time the plate was especially thin, very fragile and it would need to be balanced forever. I was overwhelmed. I had reached a point where my mental and physical exhaustion of trying to balance it all was getting the best of me. I needed help.

I came to the realization that all I was really doing all these years was managing my life. I was very good at it but I was horrible at taking care of me. I was tired, I was a range of emotions, and I was feeling like something was missing. Some friends suggested I just needed a getaway but deep inside, I knew it was more. It was a yearning to find a peace within myself that I could enjoy while plate spinning. Plate spinning was my reality.

Little did I know that I would begin a journey with self-care, that could give me the balance to be a happy plate spinner, not so concerned about a perfect performance any longer. Through self-care practices, I discovered I could turn that spinning into a work of art and an extension of the person I was finally finding out I am. 

Building A Self Care Practice And The Importance Of Mindset

I have started and stopped with self-care since first trying to commit to it over a year ago. I doubted it was that important and necessary for me, thinking I’d spent a lifetime juggling and that was normal. I excel at “the juggle.” However, after my son’s illness, caring for my elderly family member and the general “normal” of a mom, I knew deep down something had to give. I was exhausted and tired of going through the motions of life.

I realized I had to give – had to give myself something. It has been a journey of some stops and starts, trying to find what works for me. Self-care is personal. It’s not some one size fits all pursuit. But, I have found through Orchid Story’s Programs, that just being with others who place a value and yearning for self-care is motivation enough. We are all on a journey to be comfortable and happy in our own skin, to find the gratitude in each day we are given.

I often thought self-care was for people with tons of money and time. Boy, I was wrong. Self-care is not a luxury; it’s a necessity and it absolutely can be done with no investment in money. It’s a mindset; it’s a commitment to one’s self as important. Too many times, especially women, put ourselves as the last priority, burning the candle at every end. It doesn’t have to be that way if we can stop and breathe, pause, and remember that we are worth loving ourselves. It also trickles down into everyday life with those you love. If you can feel that you are worth loving, you can better love those close to you.

The COVID-19 pandemic has caused an unrelenting stress in many areas – work, school, family dynamics but it has also given me some gifts. One of which is time at home, time to focus on me and what’s best for me. Some of the most rewarding self-care practices I work on daily are:

Morning Meditation

I use the Insight Timer app for free and have recently been contemplating purchasing it to get more options. I generally do 5 to 15 minute meditations in the morning after taking my first sip of coffee, alone, early in the morning, sitting in my kitchen. It’s not fancy or exotic but it’s me and it helps me start on a positive note. It puts gratitude and love right in front of me from the get go.

Long walks with the dog

My dog was overweight and I needed to get in shape. This was a hard one. I could think of every excuse not to do it. Too cold, too hot, too tired, too busy BUT I started and have not yet missed my morning 2 mile walk. I cannot imagine missing it now because my dog inherently knows about this ritual and watches me all morning with puppy dog eyes until we leave. I cannot disappoint that face! I don’t listen to music, just the sounds of the neighborhood while we walk. I’ve met neighbors I had never seen before; I wave and say hello to the same faces; they ask my dog’s name; they say the same joke, “Who’s walking who?” (That’s getting better with time.) What was once viewed as a task, a job, a responsibility…has become a healing ritual and provides a connection I didn’t realize I needed.

Reading for pleasure 

I have a bit of ritual at night that I’m either watching a Hallmark movie or reading some mystery. I haven’t done that in years and now I keep of list of books I want to read. I’m one of those people who find a series and want to read them all, so I can satisfy my orderly desire to check things off a list!

Better eating

I could live solely on sugar and coffee. I’ve never make a baked good that wasn’t my best friend. But, as we get older these indulgences can wreak havoc. I was getting more headaches, I felt gross. I made a decision to commit to better eating these last three months. I have been using a subscription service for smoothies and plant based meals. I knew I would not be able to do it forever – at some point, it will be me creating these meals, but in the absence of feeling overwhelmed about it, we budgeted to make it possible. It’s been wonderful. My body loves it and I love it and I’m slowly learning what is better for me to put in my body.

There are still certain parts of self-care I fail at miserably:

I ebb and flow with social media, both decrying it and celebrating it. It’s a definite love/hate relationship and when I’m not feeling grounded, it is fodder for negativity. Still working on that one!

I am horrible at getting together with friends, new and old. I have the best of intentions but I never do it and feel self-conscious when I do. I’m still not sure if I’m an introvert or extrovert or what social activities I’d rather do. I am very good as a pen pal though! I love to write letters and connect that way which is just so old school!

I continue to struggle with my writing. It was a primary reason I initially joined Sanctuary Circle (an Orchid Story program), to help formulate my ideas. I have so many ideas and I’m quite sure my stalemate is my own fear. Fear of failure, fear that no one will care about what I have to say. I know intuitively that I should just write it for me but it continues to be a struggle I am working on. I started a gratitude journal but again, I didn’t do too well. I figure slow and steady wins the race and in time, I can incorporate these things.

I loved being a part of Orchid Story’s programs because I feel a kinship with every woman I met in each group, even though we had just met. It's a circle of inclusion, love and support.

Where she is now - automatic time carved out

Orchid Story has given me the power to explore my life, discover my intentions and find grounding through relationships with others. It is true that if you take some time for yourself to plant the seeds of self-care and let it grow and bloom, you are giving a great gift to yourself and those you love.

I am in a place now where I automatically have time carved out for me. It’s not a task, it’s a breath of abundance, a necessity to my day, a reminder that I matter. Too often many of us find our value in what others' think of us, our accomplishments, our infinite juggling of responsibilities. What I have learned through my own self-care is that very simple practices can elicit powerful results. I feel more focus, grounded, connected to gratitude and more aware of the things that bring me joy. It’s almost a decluttering of sorts, lifting heavy burdens in my mind and heart and restoring a confidence and love that I need for me.

Every person’s bloom is unique and perfect because each one of us is uniquely imperfect and striving to be the best we were intended to be. Orchid Story has provided me with the opportunity to re-discover some the best parts of myself, parts that have been hidden since childhood, parts that made me feel special but were buried deep within as the pace of life ground my creativity and spirit to a rout existence – a funk.

I am grateful for the gift of Orchid Story in giving me the resources to explore who I am again and what I need to be the best version of myself. Each weekly exercise challenges me to show up for no one else but me. It’s hard work but it is so rewarding and refreshing, it’s never an assignment, it’s a breath of fresh air. I wish every woman I met would take the time to give it a try because you will never regret investing in you. You are loved and precious and you need you! 

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