A Window To Your Story
Photo by Frederik Falinski on Unsplash
A simple writing exercise for self-discovery
Narrative identity is a special kind of story—a story about how I came to be the person I am becoming. - Dan McAdams
This quote from Dan McAdams, a researcher who has dedicated much of his career to studying the idea of narrative identity, resonates deeply with me. When he first conceived of the concept in the 1980s he was trying to figure out what identity would look like if you were to actually see it. If identity were a physical thing. What he eventually landed on was that it would look like a book containing all of a person’s stories.
The idea that a story can help us see how we got to this point, essentially answering the question, “How did I get here?” really clicks with me. Sometimes, when I start writing I have that exact question in mind and my writing practice helps me figure out the answer. Stories help us figure out who we are and what’s going on with ourselves.
The other part of the quote that compels me is that word “becoming”. It gives us room. It gives us grace. We don’t have to know who we are and set it in stone, like a Hollywood star on the sidewalk. It makes me think that we are always a work-in-progress. We will always be becoming.
Writing exercises comes easily to some and feel impossible to others
Sometimes when I’m teaching workshops, I see people whose hands are moving so fast on the page it looks like they could spark a small fire. Other times, I notice people sitting, holding their pen, staring at the page before them or off into the distance. They have a look on their face that’s a combination of “I feel like I’m failing” and “Gosh, I hope something comes to me soon.” I am routinely in both of these states of mind in my own practice.
The reason I continue to show up and share these ideas is because I believe that personal narrative is healing. That diving into the idea of narrative identity helps us figure out the big questions we all face, which helps us live our lives a little better. These beliefs of mine are supported in the literature that’s been published on narrative identity and expressive writing and narrative medicine.
A simple writing exercise to help you get started writing your personal story
I want to encourage you to try the practice of writing your own story. Yes, getting started might be tough. Try setting a timer for just five minutes and sitting down with a paper and pen. Here’s an exercise for you to explore:
Rather than thinking of your story as an entire book, let’s look at one moment in time. Often I teach about self-defining memories, which are those moments that shaped you to become who you are today. If you can think of one of those, great, but if that feels too big, choose an event that happened recently that made you feel something. Maybe it made you feel fantastic and joyful, or sad and reflective, or angry and spiteful. It can be a tiny moment in time, like when you opened the text from your sister. It can be a completely routine part of life, like when you were sitting in the Kiss and Ride line at school waiting for the kids. Or, it can be something that feels heavier, like the argument you got in with your partner this week. Just pick something, that’s the key to getting started.
Now, picture yourself as the narrator watching the event unfold through a window. You are outside of what’s happening looking in on it. Literally picture a window as you think about this story unfolding. Describe what you see through the window. After you’ve finished your physical description, move the window to the mind. Remember to keep the perspective of the narrator. You are the narrator getting inside the head of your main character. Yes, your main character is you, but keeping some distance can help get the story on the page.
Makes sense? First you describe the physical scene through the window. Then you describe the emotional landscape through a window into the mind. Throughout the entire practice you keep the point of view as the narrator of the story.
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