Four Major Takeaways for Healing After BIG Trauma

I’ve learned a lot about healing after a life-changing event through my years of providing genetic counseling to people with a cancer diagnosis, personal experiences of my own BIG events and from coaching women who are determined to take ownership of a story from the past. I take note of themes and musings and ah-ha moments from my coaching clients and then go to the research to see if anything I’m observing has been studied.

I have lots of learning to do about how to heal from a BIG event in your life that shook you to your core, but today I am sharing some of what I have learned so far. Here are four major takeaways for healing after big trauma.

1.Requires Professional Help

Learning how to engage with the world again following a traumatic event is an enormous, and often overwhelming task. Please get help from a mental health professional. Many workplaces now offer Employee Assistance Programs that can help you find someone. Ask a few trusted friends to share their referrals. Text the crisis text line (741741 in the US) to get immediate, free help. Contact the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) HelpLine: 800-950-NAMI (6264) or find one of their support groups in your area (https://nami.org/Support-Education/Support-Groups). Find a licensed therapist through one of the newer online services like Betterhelp or Talkspace, which is often less expensive than in-person therapy. Call your primary care doctor and ask for referrals or go to the school counselor and ask for support. It is incredibly vulnerable to do it - I know because I’ve been there. But it may be the one of the most important phone calls you ever make.

2. Must Include The Body

The Body Keeps The Score by Dr. Bessel Van Der Kolk has been my constant companion for months now. I have learned an incredible amount from this book and strongly recommend it to become more trauma-informed, but one of the main messages that has sunk in is that healing from trauma must include the body. We like to think we can figure it all out, think our way through to a solution, but the science of trauma simply does not support that. For many people with a history of trauma, psychotherapy, or talk therapy, is not enough.

There are tons of ways to get in touch with your body again. Yoga or tai-chi or breath work. Dancing or self-defense class or forest bathing. Dr. Van Der Kolk even talks about and provides data for the healing effects of theater and super interesting (and a little different) techniques like creating structures.

Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) therapy has been shown to be effective for helping to treat trauma.

I have clients that connect to their bodies by laying in a hammock or by caring for and riding horses. My son and I have done Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) known as tapping, to process medical trauma.

You can’t simply think your way past trauma. Try something you have always loved or try something new. Even taking a few deep belly breaths counts!

3. Social Support Is Essential

We have learned the lesson this year during the pandemic more than ever before - we need each other. Isolation hurts us and makes us ill. Connecting with people following trauma can be extremely difficult when you don’t feel like yourself because the rest of the world kept moving while you were stuck in the past. It’s true that not everyone can understand what you’ve been through and that many people will not know what to say or will hurt you with their words. Still, we need to keep trying.

This is one of the main reasons I love coaching women - because I can create a space where you truly feel seen and heard. So look outside of your friend group and your local community if you need to. Find an online community that meets your needs. They exist for everything! David Kessler, expert on grief, offers a free Facebook group for those grieving. My friend Brianne Kirkpatrick offers online support for people who have uncovered a DNA secret through at home DNA testing.

Find what works for you and then stay engaged.

4. Patience and Stamina Are Necessities

I recently heard Dr. Van Der Kolk on the Everything Happens podcast with Kate Bowler. He was talking about neuroplasticity - the idea that we can rewire our brains. He said that we know it is possible. We also know that it takes time and practice. Lots of it.

I hope you feel inspired by all the ways that you can approach healing from trauma. I also want to make sure you have some perspective if you are on this road. Doing a guided meditation a couple of times is not going to rewire your brain. Setting forth on a healing journey is a journey indeed.

So commit to small steps and try to do them consistently. Take breaks when you need to, but try to come back to it. Change the routine when it feels old. Reach out. Ask for support. Give yourself grace.

A HUGE thank you to my Orchid Story clients who trust me with their stories and teach me things I could never learn from a book. I hold your stories in my heart and feel them everytime I show up for women.